Personal Pandemonium

Definition Check

Firefly — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 07:18:58 +0000

Little Girl writes down one night…
I didn’t know love. Wow, maybe it’s true. Maybe, I really didn’t. I mean, if it was, it should have lasted, right? So, if it wasn’t love, what was it? Hmm… Ahh! Maximum infatuation! It was just too much that it was mistaken for love. It caused euphoria and the sudden urge to text sugar-coated messages everyday. Wow… I wonder what’s going to happen when I experiance true love. Yeah, euphoria and the messages will still be present, but the emotion would definitely last. ;p Haha!… But, damn, he got me that time!

Mature dreams. Such wonderful dreams. It consisted of a strong relationship that went on until marriage and a 2-storey house with a terrace by the beach. That’s how many years away? More than 10. ü To dream that your love will help you against all odds. Dreams of a mature man or a little boy?

Well, a girl said this concerning her boyfriend: “I do want to stay with him for the long run, maybe even marriage. I hope that will happen, but I’m not naive. I’m realistic enough to understand that things may not work out that way.”

I find that mature.ü But, hey, what’s mature for one might not be mature for the other. Same goes with love. Love to you might just be a mere misinterpretation of emotions. We aren’t looking at the world in same-colored glasses. You are entitled to your own opinion and definitions of love and maturity. And I’m entitled to my own.

Sweet 16?

Firefly — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 12:40:57 +0000

I’ll be older in a few days… I’ll be turning 16… Wait, what’s so special in being 16? Being more responsible? Being more mature? Learning how to drive? Being a senior (Waah!)? Uh, wait, being a senior means being a step closer to graduating which means a step closer to college (Possibly, UP Diliman of the good Lord would permit). That’s a scary thought. I’d miss Pisay that way. No, as Kevin put it, “I won’t miss Pisay. I’d miss the Phisciers.” Haha! Yeah, the Phisciers… Batch 2k8… I just might cry on my Graduation Day.

Hmm… there’s driving. At last, to finally feel my hands on that steering wheel, my feet on that accelerator, my ass on that driver’s seat, and that car on the road! Funny, but knowing how to drive would make me feel more mature and responsible. Heck, if I do something wrong, I could reck my mom’s car or, God forbid, give myself a bloody death (Sorry, but I want another kind of death, thank you very much).

16. Why do they call it sweet 16? Is it sweet at all? You’re just getting older, right? Maybe…What has this age got to offer? Maybe a chance to be more mature. More daring, perhaps? Haha… More chances. I just hope being 16 would be fun. Okay, I just wanted to share all this useless stuff to you, guys. My friend, Apple, has been doing a countdown for our birthdays weeks ago. We’re down to our last few days. I’m just a few days away from finding out how it feels to be a 16-year-old. Heck, I don’t know why I’m making a big deal out of my 16th birthday! Haha! Sweet…

Barely Breathing

Firefly — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 14:51:05 +0000

He’s been lying in bed for weeks now
Pale, fragile,weak, and motionless…
A thousand tubes keeping him alive
And yet, he doesn’t twitch or move a muscle
He just lays there, in his own world, trapped
The tubes and machines offering no escape
He woke up once before
A beautiful smile plastered on his face
He held my hand, held me close
It brightened my day and i didn’t want to let the moment end
But he drifted back into his own world after
And he hasn’t awakened since
And here I am, waiting by his side
Till he wakes up once more

Summer Vacation

Firefly — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 07:19:35 +0000

I wake up to feel the warm sheets instead of the chill of early mornings. The room seems brighter, a far cry from the usual darkness that my eyes were accustomed to. Oh yeah, and there’s my mom’s usual blabbering about us waking up late and household chores. It’s a usual weekend scene. But, the difference now is, it’s a Friday. Summer vacation has hit me, finally. It’s a two-month break from homework, quizzes, exercises, seatworks, projects, and cramming. It’s also a time to forget Math, Physics, and Research.

A break from the stresses in life. A break from everything that bothers us. A break from the painful reality we went through in school. Two months… would it be enough for them? To clear a clouded mind? To mend a broken heart? To make a person adjust and let go? To help a person forget? Maybe… I hope…

I should make the most of this summer. After this, I’ll be a senior, then my next summer will be a summer filled with anticipation for college. This is my last high school summer vacation. Got to make it fun. Oh damn, Internship. Oh well, at least summer won’t be boring.

Well, I’m going to rock this summer, in any way possible and if it’s within reach. Others won’t be. They’ll be doing… other things. Two months. I don’t know if it’ll be enough.

Same Ground

Firefly — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:14:00 +0000

I stare at some place where my eyes shouldn’t land, and I see it again. Him with her, alone, spending time together. He has that familiar smile. A smile he used to share with someone I know…Now, he shares it with someone else. I feel a pang of jealousy as I watch them. He talks to her with so much animation and teasing. When was the last time he did that to me? When was the last time he annoyed me so much to the point of me hating it? When was the last time we had fun together? Ages ago… I now see him standing up ang walking away with her. This, I also see all the time. When was the last time we did that? When was the last time I’d be walking alone and the next thing I see is him by my side? When was the last time I felt happy in his company? They now move farther and farther. How I long to reach out to him but I can’t when I know that these hands can crush his heart once again. And so, I stay, seated, crushing my own fragile heart.

Someone approaches me and asks, “Hey, what are you doing?”

I simply look at him and say, “Nothing… nothing at all…”

Rekindled Flame

Firefly — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 06:33:39 +0000

I simple glance from far away… no words spoken, and yet I felt something within me that was supposed to have long been buried in the past. It can’t be true. My mind does not want to entertain the thought, but the heart was steadfast in its decision to focus on it. In their silent battle, the heart won, and it brought me to do things that could affect me greatly. I inched closer, my heart telling me it was what I wanted. What did I have to lose? Nothing? No, my peace of mind. A simple touch, a tiny spark. He held my hand and I did not decline. A warm feeling was building within. It felt so good, I did not want to let go of the gentle hand that held mine. The moment dragged on till forever, I was consciuos of his hand holding mine, never letting go, and the fire kept growing. Something told me it was a mistake, but was it? Could a mistake make you smile and feel elated? Why should I give up such happiness that I thought would never return? I wanted time to stand still, to gaze into his eyes for the longest time. But, that was impossible, and before I knew it, it was all over. A quick hug and he turned away. I was left there standing, confused. And the flame still remained.

A Wave of Loneliness

Firefly — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:01:10 +0000

I woke up to realize that no one was beside me… The room was awfully quiet… I expected a gentle kiss on my cheek or a tight hug to start my day but there was no one around to offer that. I sat up and looked around, I was alone. The sky was covered by huge thick clouds in different shades of gray. A sudden sense of longing emerged from within, my body aching to feel another human’s warmth beside it. But I was surrounded by a mere stillness that made a lump rise in my throat. I dared not cry for no one was there to console me and wipe away my tears. I found it painfully useless and decided to choke back the sadness that wanted to overflow. I slowly paced around the room, internalizing the silence. As I stared out the window, yearning for a hug, the icy hands of a cold breeze swept in and slowly enveloped me…then, I cried…

Love

Firefly — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:59:48 +0000

Dust in the crack and crevices
Cobwebs on her hands and dress
She stares through space, as if dead
For years, not a single word from her lips has been said

Sunlight passes through the window’s once pristine glass
But warmth this doesn’t give her
Cold and stiff, she sits
From her slumped position she doesn’t stir

The clock continues ticking
Its tiny hands move steadily
Time passed by, wasted
And yet, she sits still, staring blankly

No other sound can be heard
No thumping or another heart beating
She’s isolated and caged in a room
Living in her own dismal world

When will her ears hear another sound?
Keys jingling, a knob slowly turning?
Young beauty, frozen in a corner
Never lost, yet was never found

Against the Torrent

Firefly — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:55:52 +0000

Once weak & movable, once flexible & soft. Boneless limbs have no place in society. In life’s strong currents & infinite flow, you are not meant to go along & watch helplessly as the currents drive you towards a huge rock. You are meant to fight & go against the pressures when you have to. You’ve got your feet. Use them. God gave them to you to let you choose the direction you personally want to take. He did not give a thousand men one pair but rather a thousand men a pair each. Different choices, different desired paths. You can’t let someone else control your feet. They’re yours, every part of them. Use them as you should. Be strong & lift your head high. They’ll be crushed & scarred along the way, but your feet are still yours to command.

Alone

Firefly — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:47:23 +0000

It feels good to know that the world cares about you. It’s great that they show their concern & help when you have done something wrong & tell you when you have stepped on other people. But with all the care, people tend to mind your life too much. They care about you, so they guide your steps. Every step you take & the road you want to set foot on. It may not make you happy now, but to them, in their perspective, it is right. Yes, you’ll get hurt, but it’s right. Yes, you’ll cry, but’s it’s right. Yes, you’ll lose something so important, but it is still right.

Little girl, you have to listen to the world. You have to live by their standards. Your decisions should coincide with theirs. Your opinions must agree woth theirs. The people around you know what is right. They see things differently. They’re the majority. They’re the right ones. They set the standards. You wouldn’t want to lose friends now, would you? You wouldn’t want to wake up alone, right? No, of course not. Who does? So, little girl, listen to the people around you. It’s wrong to be firm & stand for what you believe is right when the world says it isn’t. Your opinions & thoughts aren’t important. The world says they are wrong. It’s one against all, my dear. Don’t make stupid decisions!